There’s Hurling and Gaelic Football in Ireland, Skiing in Switzerland, Grid Iron in America, Rugby League in Australia and Sheep Dog trials in New Zealand; and oh yeah Football, or Soccer, around the world so to speak. Hey, the world is round (thanks Christopher Columbus) and a football is round, it is meant to be I tell you. Football wins hands down because there are no hands involved just ‘head, shoulders, (chest), knees, (feet) and toes’, (hey you added some more stuff in there, that’s supposed to be a kids song).
But is it Soccer or Football, Football or Soccer. You could go either way really. You can find some really cool merchandise for soccer from This is American Soccer as well. As a word, Foot-ball is pretty obvious, but may be too obvious, and simple. But what about Headball, or Chestball (interesting for those who have a chest) and kneeball, (yeah what about the rest of the pack). Soccer is a dressy word, it’s different. It’s almost like some individual got drunk one day and came out with the title of ‘soccer’ to describe this world game. Perhaps there were idiots walking around in their socks in the middle of winter kicking any item at will.
What about those crazy soccer, sorry, foot-ball fans. I’m from the Southern hemisphere, but I have to admit, the Northern hemisphere has got it going on. These Northies eat, drink and sleep Football. They talk, read, watch and participate in it, at work, at home, on lunch breaks, with the mates or girlies and even in bed (sorry there goes the sex life women). And the atmosphere at the game people, it’s like they are sitting on their own personal toilet seats about to explode who get up from time-to-time and…do the Mexican Wave and sing here we go, here we go, here we go and ole, ole, ole.
Then of course is the all-in- rumble or spectator violence, as if someone switched the channel on the screen and turned on World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) or Bruce Lee’s ‘Big Boss’, and who is the boss, the referee everyone, and oh yeah, the team in front on the scoreboard. The Southies (Southern Hemisphere) would be clicking their heels three times and wishing they were in Kansas. A game in Southies territory is like ‘yawn yawn, you watching the game, isn’t it great?’ ‘Yeah, yawn fantas…. (he’s asleep)’.
If you can’t make the game, there’s the…TV. Everything is there, sorry for all the operations managers at the football stadiums around the world. You see the up close and personals (not too close, woops, a yellow card), replay after replay (that’s the 10th time) with those bell-ringer shots from outside the box, the top 10 countdown, mad commentators, huggachugga soccer-crazy friends and family, sexy cheerleaders and random girls in the crowd (hide your eyes) and the dining banquet experience while you chill on your comfortable designer lounge (don’t drop anything on the upholstery). Now, where is the remote? – ‘honey, I can’t find the remote’ (here it comes).
Of course there are other types of football, like Futsal and SepakTakraw (Sep-what). Futsal, or mini-me soccer, it has to be the beach man on the sand. I know there is indoor, but too claustrophobic with no sun and sand and no girlies in their ‘itsy bitsytiniwinnie yellow pokadot bikinis’. Does it really matter if the women can play Futsal or not. And oh yeah, futsal, is like foot-saw, which applies to the hard floor of indoor and the tiresome sand churning out at the beach. And SepakTakraw, funny name but for soccer-mad fans, this is the sport of the future.
What? You might say, something better than Football, no way. I know, I know, this had better be good. Ok, picture a Transformer made up of Volleyball, Soccer and Table Tennis – ‘by these powers combined I’m…..’ (you know who it is for those out there). Well, I guess you better do some research yourself and check, check check it out man, just like the world game.
But wait, just wait a minute; drum roll please and encore introduction, the best event on Earth is about to be presented….the World Cup; no not the world news at 6pm, but wouldn’t it make the top headlines. I think Shakira has given us a bit of a Waka Waka across the head to wake you up you sleepy heads because it’s World Cup time. But what about the Olympics, isn’t that bigger and better and the best. What is this an auction – I have a World Cup World Cup, oh there’s Olympics over here – I don’t think so; who asked you anyway, it’s going soccer crazy here. Woops I spoke too soon, quick someone has swapped the real World Cup trophy for a counterfeit… I didn’t see anything. Well, if only you were actually at the World Cup people. For the rest of us, let’s make believe and pretend from our armchair at home.